I have been thinking about this topic for quite some time now. And I must admit, from this point in time, I believe this post to be one of the top posts I’ve had to discuss so far on my journey toward self-realization. It may seem counterintuitive at first, and I’m well aware, but I really would love it if you gave this a chance. Yes, we can’t deny that self-sacrifice is a virtue in itself. Because putting others and their needs before your own may not seem natural at all. But this isn’t necessarily the case. We can’t deny that we live in a dualistic world, so we possess certain inherent qualities that others may not. And vice-versa, of course.

The quality of self-sacrifice is indeed a virtue. Many spiritual paths will teach us that because it is a necessary trait toward enlightenment and self-realization. It shows that we can humble ourselves and be caring and not selfish. Of course, it’s something to be understood, acquired, and practiced but in a balanced manner because there’s definitely a catch here. Especially for those who have developed this trait at an early age or are simply born with a specific character. Whether that’s due to a gene passed in the family line or whatever the case may be.

Now, as I mentioned previously, we have to understand that we live in a dualistic world, and we all need to find harmony whether we have developed the trait of self-sacrifice or not. Just because many spiritual paths indicate and emphasize the importance of developing the trait of putting others’ needs before your own, if you do this at your own expense, this can become a hindrance and a negative pattern that needs to heal. Putting others’ needs before your own isn’t necessarily a virtue, especially if this is something you can do and have done most of your life. I speak from experience and trust me, this needs to stop now, and here’s why.

When you consistently put others’ needs before your own at the expense of your own happiness and well-being, this is no longer a virtue but a hindrance on your path to living a fulfilling life. If you negate your own needs and aren’t coming from a place of balance and inner harmony, you are creating karmic debt for yourself. If you negate yourself and always self-sacrifice just to make other people happy but never develop a healthy relationship with yourself by understanding your own needs, who you are, and what truly makes you happy. You will not be able to develop healthy relationships with others and may even harbor resentment.

If you find yourself always putting others’ needs before your own, you may need to take some time to inquire on why you are doing this in the first place. Sometimes, this may even be a form of escapism. We are afraid, maybe not on a conscious level but more on a subconscious level, to confront the many reasons why we do this and why we fear getting to know ourselves and meeting our own needs first. I assure you, unfortunately, that even though you might have thought of this as a virtue, if you are doing this at your own expense and always find yourself battling with chronic sadness or depression, it is no longer a virtue. It is no longer coming from a place of inner harmony and balance.

We can call the act of self-sacrifice a virtue once we actually develop a healthy relationship with ourselves and genuinely get to know ourselves. We can call self-sacrifice a virtue once we learn to put our own needs before others and create that happiness and joy from within. How can you possibly pour into someone else’s cup if your own cup is empty? Surely, it will create disharmony, whether that’s with your spouse, lover, friends, and even family. Especially family, I would say. Because most likely, if you have a toxic pattern of self-sacrificing, then it is something that you learned in your family. Perhaps, you had a parent that, unfortunately, as it was in my case, always put their own needs before others by imposing fear-tactics and by playing the role of the victim.

Many empathic men and women struggle with this on their journey toward self-realization. We must understand that we cannot be responsible for everyone’s happiness. We have to be responsible for ourselves first and learn to accept that about others, especially those we love. You cannot play the role of the savior at the expense of negating yourself and your own needs. This will surely contribute to more disharmony in relationships because we are allowing for this toxic pattern to continue on both sides. We are teaching others that it is okay for us to negate ourselves, put their needs before our own, and be responsible for their happiness. This is not virtuous at all because, first, as I mentioned earlier, you are creating karmic debt for yourself by negating yourself. Secondly, this toxic pattern will continue to allow others to take advantage of your good nature and generous heart. It won’t allow others to take accountability for who they are and what needs to change within them.

Don’t miss this post here!