1. The Most Important Relationship

The most important relationship you will have is the relationship with yourself. All other relationships come and go, but the one person you’re with forever is you. Your relationship with yourself is eternal. So what is that relationship like? Are you glad to wake up in the morning and find yourself there? Are you a person you like to be with? Do you enjoy your own thoughts? Do you laugh with yourself? Do you love your body? Are you content being with you? If you don’t have a good relationship with yourself, then how can you have a good one with someone else? When alone and single, remember to ask these questions.

2. Love Yourself

If you don’t love yourself, you will always look for someone to complete you. To make you happy and fulfill your dreams. Being needy is the best way to attract an unsuccessful relationship. If you expect that other person to fix your life or be your better half, you are setting yourself up for failure. You want to be really happy with who you are before you enter a relationship. You want to be happy enough so that you don’t need a relationship to be happy.

Also, if you have a relationship with someone who does not love him or herself, it is impossible to really please that person. You will never be good enough for someone insecure, frustrated, jealous, self-loathing, or resentful. Too often, we knock ourselves out, trying to be good enough for a partner who doesn’t have any idea how to accept our love. Because they don’t love who they are.

3. Life Is a Mirror

What we attract always mirrors those qualities we have. Or the beliefs we have about ourselves and our relationships. What others feel about us is their limited perspective of life. Jealous and abusive people are very insecure. They don’t value themselves and have no faith in their self-worth. Jealousy is saying; I’m not good enough; I’m not worth loving, so I know my partner will cheat me or leave me for someone else. It creates anger and blame. If you stay with a jealous person and suffer from their abuse, toxicity, and jealousy, you are saying that you don’t deserve a loving relationship. It’s better to be alone and single than with someone who is abusive and doesn’t know how to receive love.

Spousal abusers either grew up in a family where abuse was normal, and they just continue the family pattern or blame the world or their partner for their lack of self-worth. Abusers will never stop the abuse pattern unless they undergo therapy. Abusers almost always have a parent they have deep resentment towards. Forgiveness is a vital issue for them. They must understand their patterns and be willing to change.

4. Our Parent’s Influence In a Relationship

All relationships you attract are based on the relationship you had with your parents. You have so many problems in your relationships that are most likely because of your difficult childhood. Any form of abuse you may have endured, such as abandonment, neglect, etc…, will all transfer itself in your current relationships. It is why you attract abusive men or women, leaving you feeling unloved or unwanted or even have bosses that frighten you. You’re just living out what you have learned as a child.

When you work on forgiveness and releasing resentment, your relationship with yourself, especially when alone and single, will improve dramatically. Rather than wasting your time and saying men are no good, or women are no good, look into the relationships you had with your parents or the relationship they had with each other. Look at the similarities playing out in your current relationships and how your mother treated your father or vice versa. How was love expressed in your home when you were a child?

5. Learn To Set Limits

How do I lose myself when I’m in a relationship? What messages did I receive as a child that created a belief in me that relationships are painful? Perhaps you have a tough time setting limits, and people tend to take advantage of you. You may be sending out a message that says I do not value and respect myself, and it’s okay to abuse me and take advantage of me. This way of thinking does not have to be true for you any longer. Begin today, if alone and single, to affirm your love and respect for yourself.

Look into a mirror frequently and tell yourself; I love you. As simple as it sounds, it is a very powerful and healing affirmation. As you grow in self-love, your relationships will begin to reflect this love and respect as well. There are support groups out there, such as co-dependents anonymous, that will help you establish boundaries in relationships and help you connect with the self-love and respect already inside you.