It’s a constant battle, isn’t it? Our insecurities can haunt us like an endless nightmare. We enter adulthood, and the same old fears and insecurities start creeping in once again. You keep your chin up, maintain a good posture and go about your day ignoring them or pretending they don’t exist. Yet, there’s that moment of honesty when we tune in to our bodies or because someone triggers them and realize they’ve never left us. How do we handle them? Can we ever be free of our insecurities? What’s your take on it? I’d love to know your opinion, so please don’t hesitate to leave me a comment below.

Childhood Lies

If I have to be honest, I look at our insecurities like pottery cracks that make us who we are, more unique, and even more resilient. We can ignore and pretend the cracks aren’t there, but when the veil is thin enough, in other words when the Universe conspires and mirrors those insecurities back to us, we realize they haven’t gone anywhere. Even though one can work on themselves and heal substantially, some things, unfortunately or fortunately, depending on your perspective, will always be a part of who you are, or better said, what makes you, you.

At a deeper level, there are certain lies we tell ourselves, which stem from childhood wounds, our relationship wounds, and dysfunctional or toxic family dynamics. One of the most common lies we tell ourselves is that we aren’t enough as we are. This results from a projection of a parent who was perhaps holding on to a toxic partner exuding a behavior that made them feel they weren’t enough or didn’t matter enough to them. Because if they were enough, their toxic partner would change for them. But unfortunately, that was never the case.

As you become more aware, know that although you may still feel those insecurities, the fact that you’ve become more conscious and can detach is much better than being unconscious and living through those same intergenerational traumas and lies. Perhaps, one day, you will heal entirely, or maybe the cracks are too large to feel whole and pretend they’re not there. What matters most is that you are no longer controlled or triggered by those lies and choose to do better for yourself by never putting yourself in similar situations. And the more action you take based on self-love, the more you train and program your subconscious mind that you deserve better. Although you may not feel entirely deserving and perhaps still feel the sting of those painful experiences now and then, taking rightful action and making choices based on your highest good is more than enough.

How To Free Yourself From Relationship Insecurities

I’m not going to lie or sugarcoat it. It’s not easy to free yourself from relationship insecurities, and it does require healing to a substantial degree. In many cases, you may need professional help, which I most definitely recommend, especially if you are new to self-help or anything related to self-development. As much as you try to avoid, change, or heal insecurities that may derive from certain traumas, they will always live somewhere deep in your mind and heart. And many people are misguided about what healing truly is. Healing doesn’t make anything disappear from our mind or experience, but it does make us neutral to that experience, or that is the goal. It means facing those deeper issues and not letting them affect you to the same degree they did before you became aware. Sometimes, the best thing to do, especially regarding relationships, is to communicate clearly and be open about what you have faced—especially traumas of neglect, abandonment, betrayal, and not being valued by your caretakers.

These traumas will scar us deeply, and we are different because of them. We may also look at the world differently because of them, and not necessarily in a bad way. We may have different views on love, relationships, work, money, etc. A thriving relationship is one in which two people choose to be vulnerable and open about their insecurities and fears by moving on from the power struggle phase. Building deeper roots in a relationship is a must, especially after the infatuation and attraction phase.

An indication of true love is when you see someone for who they are. You understand their fears, needs, boundaries, and what they like and dislike, and create a deeper bond where you both feel connected and know each other on the inside, and not just a facade or a perfect image we try to portray in the dating phase. If we cannot open up and be vulnerable about our insecurities and fears, we are putting up walls between them and us. That will lead to communication problems, frustrations, unmet needs, unmet expectations, and core wounds triggered and violated boundaries. This is why it’s important to share our insecurities and needs, no matter how much healing or inner we’ve done so far.

Also, it’s important to note that people who struggle to embrace certain aspects of you often reflect their own difficulty in self-acceptance by projecting it onto you. We tend to judge both our own insecurities and those of others as a source of shame, even though many of these insecurities originated from external factors completely beyond our control. The ego, our primary sense of self, is concerned with control and survival. Yet, beneath the layers of pain and control, our true self aligns harmoniously with life and has a lot more potential than we often like to recognize.