Love Is Hard. But Is It?

Love is hard. But is it? For centuries, time and again, we’ve had these words drilled into our little fragile minds as if bestowed on a golden tablet of life rules. Isn’t love the highest and most fulfilling experience we can have as human beings? Isn’t it supposed to make us feel alive and euphoric and bring a sense of safety and belonging? But for the most part, we’ve been conditioned to think that love is hard and painful. So why have we attached such a negative connotation to loving someone romantically?

And what does romantically mean anyway? Romantically means something that relates to love or a sexual relationship. I don’t know about you, but that leaves a lot of room for personal interpretation. Either way, let’s talk about why, generally speaking, romantic love has gotten such a bad rep and why people fall into negative patterns led by unconscious and hidden motives.

Why Are You Chasing Them?

Do you find yourself chasing someone you love, and if so, why? Grab a pen and paper and take a moment to write down all the reasons you can think of why you are chasing them. What do you think they alone can give that you can’t give yourself or get from someone else? If you can’t explain why, don’t worry about it, and don’t force yourself because it’s not your fault. When it comes to certain behavior patterns and unconscious motives, we need the proper tools to understand ourselves.

Most of us lack the necessary tools to question our hidden motives because we aren’t taught how to obtain self-knowledge, neither in our homes nor throughout our academic years. When we are in love, we get so overwhelmed by our emotions that we can’t see or think clearly. We lack clarity and don’t know how to observe our psychological dispositions or anything related to self-discovery. Self-discovery is, for sure, a life-long process, and I genuinely believe that self-knowledge is far more significant than anything else you can obtain in life. So why are you waiting on them? Why are you chasing them? Although chemically or neurologically speaking, we can’t explain everything concerning romantic love, I still want to give some insight into why you may be doing this on a subconscious level.

Tip 1 – Clarity

Are you chasing them because you feel that they didn’t give you clarity? Why do you need clarity from them? Don’t you think, intuitively or even logically speaking, you have enough information about this person or the situation involved? Are you having trouble trusting yourself or your intuition? Either way, try giving yourself the clarity you need. Things are way simpler than we make them when we are in love. You don’t need them to give you clarity when you can give yourself clarity. That inner voice is always speaking to you, so don’t underestimate the power of your intuition and discernment!

Tip 2 – Confused?

You are not confused. Your inner child is confused. As I mentioned previously, you already have all the answers you seek. The inner child is driven by a particular disposition we carry from childhood wounds, and because we haven’t healed that wound, that aspect of our personality gets stuck at that age. Until we resolve and heal our inner child wounds, we’ll remain confused about the situation involved and why we can’t help but chase someone who rejects us.

Tip 3 – Meet Your Own Needs

On a subconscious level, you think you will meet a specific need through this person alone and no one else. Remember that if you have opened up emotionally and they were a good listener, it is only human nature to get attached to that person immediately. Learn to meet your needs on your own. Your partner shouldn’t have to meet all of your emotional needs. You can meet your needs through family, friends, and by yourself if you learn what they are and how to nurture yourself.

Also, beware if you still operate from a consciousness of lack. We must learn not to get attached to people, places, and things due to a consciousness of lack. The Universe is infinitely abundant, and if one door closes, another will open. Don’t limit yourself and what can come into your life. Most of us live with a scarcity mindset, thinking there aren’t others who can meet our needs or give us what we want in life and even more than we can possibly imagine.

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Tip 4 – Seeking Approval?

You seek approval outside yourself because you never received it from your caretakers. And often, our romantic interests will mirror the relationship we had with our parents and the wounds we haven’t healed yet. We don’t know how to validate ourselves because of how our parents raised us and their lack of emotional support. Learn to acknowledge all that is admirable about yourself and celebrate yourself, even your smallest victories, especially if your parents never did that for you.

We easily give our power away because we think others can determine how special and lovable we are. But if we learn to recognize just how special and lovable we are and give ourselves the approval and validation we seek from outside, we’ll transform so much that we’ll never need to chase someone just to feel validated. Learn to honor yourself, and don’t wait for someone else, a romantic interest, or society to tell you, “Yes, you are worthy and lovable.”

Tip 5 – Do You Feel Seen?

Because you don’t feel seen, you subconsciously chase someone else, thinking they will finally see you or hear you out. These are all childhood wounds you never healed within your family dynamic. But you can heal now and on your own. Even a simple whisper to yourself, “I see you, [name]….” can help you through this healing process. Often, we don’t feel seen by others, especially by the opposite sex, because they mirror our childhood stories. We can project onto others the same love patterns of those who raised us, and that is why we are attracted to them in the first place because they feel familiar.

Subconsciously, we seek those who feel familiar because deep down, we continue telling ourselves the same painful story from our childhood. Until that story is heard and you learn to let go of limiting beliefs, you won’t be able to attract people who will see and appreciate you for who you are. Remember that subconsciously, we seek those who mirror those same painful stories because we prefer to be seen as a victim to be saved and remain in our comfort zone, even when it’s unbearable. But if we awaken to these deeper truths, things will change, and eventually, we will learn to let go of unconscious patterns.

Don’t miss my post on 5 Important Relationships Lessons When Alone & Single